Why we chose it
It’s the clearest, most foundational articulation of the exact skill Open is named for — saying a real want out loud, plainly, without hedging it into a hint or sharpening it into an attack.
The shelf behind the deck
Your Perfect Right
Robert E. Alberti, Ph.D. & Michael L. Emmons, Ph.D.First published in 1970 and now in many editions, this is widely credited as the book that put “assertiveness” into everyday vocabulary — the case that stating your own thoughts and needs directly is a legitimate right, not rudeness.
Feeds into
Open
Read more about this book ↗
What the book is about
The middle ground between silence and steamrolling.
Alberti and Emmons’s book is the foundational text of modern assertiveness training, laying out three ways people respond under pressure and arguing clearly for one of them.
The book distinguishes non-assertive or passive responses (swallowing your own needs to avoid conflict), aggressive responses (getting your needs met at someone else’s expense), and assertive responses — stating your own thoughts, feelings, and needs honestly and directly, while still respecting the other person’s right to do the same. The title reflects its central claim: everyone has a legitimate, “perfect” right to express themselves this way, and that right doesn’t come at the expense of anyone else’s.
Crucially, the book treats assertiveness as a learnable skill built through small, practiced steps — not a fixed personality trait some people simply have and others don’t — and it draws a clear line between being assertive and being blunt or aggressive, which are often confused.
Core ideas
What the book actually argues.
- Passive, aggressive, and assertive are three distinct response styles under pressure — assertive is the one that respects both people’s needs.
- Everyone has a legitimate right to state their own thoughts and needs directly, without that coming at another person’s expense.
- Assertiveness is a learnable, practiceable skill, not a fixed trait some people are simply born with.
- Bluntness and aggression are commonly mistaken for assertiveness, but the book treats them as a different, less respectful thing.
From shelf to table
Why we chose it, and how we used it.
How we used it for the cards
Its three-way distinction shaped why Open’s prompts are built to invite a stated want or boundary, not a hinted one — and why the deck’s framing language treats directness as respectful rather than harsh.
Where “informed” ends
Cited as inspiration. Not affiliated. Not endorsed.
Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons have not endorsed, reviewed, or been involved with Meet Me Gently in any way. Your Perfect Right is cited here as inspiration and recommended reading, nothing more — if it calls to you, read the book itself; it goes far deeper than any card can.
Meet Me Gently is an educational conversation deck, not therapy, diagnosis, or treatment, and no card can tell you whether a relationship is safe. See the full inspiration page for our complete reading list and honest boundaries.
Keep reading
More from the shelf.
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