Why we chose it
It’s a working therapist’s field guide, not a theory book — its cycle-naming language and scripted repair moves translate almost directly into something printable, without losing their clinical grounding.
The shelf behind the deck · Book 2 of 8
Secure Love
Julie Menanno, M.A., LMFTA working therapist’s map of the negative cycles couples get trapped in — pursue and withdraw, criticize and shut down — and the attachment needs hiding underneath each move.
Read more about this book ↗What the book is about
The cycle is the problem — not either partner.
Secure Love is a field guide, built from years of clinical case work, for naming the negative cycle a couple is caught in — and finding a way out of it together.
Published in 2022 by Julie Menanno, a licensed marriage and family therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Secure Love maps the patterns couples fall into during conflict: pursue and withdraw, criticize and defend, blame and shut down. It’s written explicitly as a hands-on companion for couples, not just a diagnosis of what goes wrong.
Its throughline is that conflict is rarely about the surface topic — the dishes, the money, the lateness. It’s a cycle protecting an unmet attachment need underneath, and pointing at the cycle instead of the person is what actually makes repair possible.
Core ideas
What the book actually argues.
- Conflict is rarely about the surface topic — it’s a cycle protecting an unmet attachment need underneath.
- Neither partner is “the problem”: both are reacting to the cycle itself, and naming the cycle (not the person) is what makes repair possible.
- Repair has a shape: naming the cycle, softening the primary emotion under the anger, and making a bid the other person can actually meet.
- Small, repeated repairs matter more than rare grand gestures.
From shelf to table
Why we chose it, and how we used it.
How we used it for the cards
Repair’s “name the cycle, not the villain” stance and its scripted ways back into connection come straight from this book. Several Steady prompts also borrow its plain, low-heat way of naming an attachment need out loud, before a conversation ever needs repairing.
Where “informed” ends
Cited as inspiration. Not affiliated. Not endorsed.
Julie Menanno has not endorsed, reviewed, or been involved with Meet Me Gently in any way. Secure Love is cited here as inspiration and recommended reading, nothing more — if it calls to you, read the book itself; it goes far deeper than any card can.
Meet Me Gently is an educational conversation deck, not therapy, diagnosis, or treatment, and no card can tell you whether a relationship is safe. See the full inspiration page for our complete reading list and honest boundaries.
Keep reading
More from the shelf.
Back to the table